December 14th, 2006

teru teru

Year end

Last night, when I stepped out after dancing, the world had been transformed from the somewhat oddly warm winter night to the California version of London. I could see maybe ten to twenty feet in front of me, and everything was blurred over, like I had lost my glasses. I feel like I should write about this romantically, but all I can think of are metaphors in which the air equals wet towels draped around my neck, or in which the oppressive humidity trails nasty, damp fingers everywhere, leaving everything just that much more sodden. It was beautiful, though, everything ghostly and veiled over.

I mostly leapfrogged between attempting to compose horrible prose describing the fog in my head and cursing the thing as I tried to drive home without running into anyone or anything.

Lifewise, I am calm and collected for the first time in... oh.... a long time. Things feel like they are in stasis right now, largely because they are; I've stopped worrying at things I can't fix, and either done what I could for things that can be fixed, or at least have a vague plan and enough time to not have to worry. And soon, it will be the holidays. I don't feel particularly Christmas-y this year, probably because I haven't been out that much and seeing decorations or hearing the music 24/7. I don't even have a tree up yet -- either I'll get one up last minute, a week before Christmas, or I just won't have one. Either way, I doubt my sister will really care; I'm usually the only one in the family who does this stuff anyway. Presents aren't mailed yet, but they will be, or they'll just end up being New Year's gifts.

It's odd, this not-worrying. I'd be more worried about it, except I think I'm worried out. I've been stressed and overworked and underrested for the majority of the year, and I think my brain is just saying that it's had enough and it won't stress or worry until the new year kicks in.

It feels as though the year is slowly drifting to an end, somewhat aimlessly, and I am slowly, ever so slowly and lazily, collecting loose ends and tying them up, or at least tidying them to take care of in January.