Mon, Nov. 8th, 2004, 07:28 pm

For some reason, I feel very stressed lately. It doesn't make much sense -- I don't have to job search anymore (glory hallelujah), the current job isn't all that stressful (yet...), I have lots of time to myself at home. But I still feel like my mind keeps whirling around and not staying still. Perhaps it's that I'm still trying to get accustomed to the new job and actually putting my brain to work. Not to belittle the bookstore or anything, which I liked, but pricing books wasn't all that difficult, brain-wise, and it helped that I wasn't trying to desperately multitask everything. (Feels like.. "tuan tuan zhuan" in Chinese, whirling around or somesuch? Am not even sure if I got the pinyin right. It's so strange and interesting how some things just make so much more sense when you express them in another language. I think I am different people to some small extent, depending on if I'm speaking Chinese, English, or Japanese.)

I think my brain sort of went on vacation some time ago, and I'm only noticing it now.

But every day, I get home, and I feel very rushed, like I have to answer tons of email rightthissecond and check LJ and comment and be insightful and brilliant. This is very strange, given that I don't have tons of email (and am far from insightful and brilliant... I shall blame the brain for that one). LJ goes too fast. I can't keep up with all the discussions and whatnot, and I don't want to be left out, but I also don't always have the time or the energy to keep up. And this is after cutting down the FL a bit. Yikes.

Plus, everyone writes these big, wonderful, meaty posts, and mostly I just putter around and write a few sentences about my life.

Ok, I'm going to stop whining now, because this sounds embarrassingly like a bid for attention.

Hrm, maybe part of why I've been feeling so stressed is because my mom's been around, so I've felt like I had to entertain her. And while it was very fun (much shopping was done, to the consternation of my wallet. But new boots! New shirts!) I didn't get too much private time. Or I took private time and then felt guilty about not entertaining. Hrm, and college friend is visiting next weekend, which means more busy-ness. Good busy-ness, but still.

I should remember that being so busy doesn't mean I should dash off little LJ posts -- just writing this down and actually trying to sit and spend time thinking things out has been very calming. I keep making the mistake of thinking that too much information is a problem, when in fact I only get stressed when I have lots of information but not enough time to sit down and deeply process it. Actually doing the sitting down and mulling things over always seems to make me feel better. We can all see why I still want to be in school, yes?

I have Friday's Joan still recorded on Tivo, but I haven't watched it yet. I saw the preview last week with the Judith thing, and really just didn't want to. Plus, last week's episode had embarrassment-factor in the spades, and I don't feel up to it. Maybe I'll watch Into the Woods instead (Sondheim, not Buffy, which would only make me extremely enraged and not unstressed in the slightest).

Stupid things heard at work today:

"Leverage" and "Piece of functionality."

Every time people say stuff like this, I want to say, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." in a really, really awful Spanish accent, so it's probably good for everyone involved that I don't. But honestly. "Leverage" is a perfectly fine and good word (as is "critical") until business people got their hands on it. You don't merely use information -- you leverage it. And similarly, nothing is important if it can be "critical."

Alas, the boy uses "critical" all the time. Drives me batty.

Corporate life is really weird.

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